Tuesday, September 16, 2008

What is this feeling so sudden and [not] new?

i am feeling very uneasy, unsafe, and concerned tonight. i am not sure where these feelings are coming from or what has stemmed this sudden onslaught of negativity. I do know that I want it gone asap. I have a suspicion on where they could be coming from, but I have a stronger idea that it's all very compound; because let's be honest, when is my life ever easy? Sometimes it sure feels like my life is flowing easily, but lately I have been struggling.

things I have been struggling with

1. my family leaving. this has been harder on me than i really thought it was going to be. i put up a strong front...but it's hard and so far it hasn't seemed to get any easier.

2. my roommates (i know i haven't blogged about this yet, i will! and really, the struggles aren't THAT bad when it comes to them. I love 'em to death...just not all the time.)

3. finding music for my senior project. this is seriously stressing me out. I'm having so many issues with this it's not even funny. I need music. Finding the right music would surely help calm my soul and I would feel better about life.

4. knowing who i truly am and what i want to be when i graduate. graduation is looming closer and closer and while i keep saying that i don't know yet, and there's a plan for me, i just don't know what it is yet and blah blah blah....this doesn't rest easy with my soul tonight. 

Anywho. i'm fine. really. life is okay. i'm happy. i have people that love me, and i talk to my family all the time. BUT that doesn't mean that sometimes i have down times where I just feel like I need to cry. That was tonight. Why the tears didn't come earlier I don't know, but as I type and the tears start to flow....sigh. i hope things get better.

update: it's amazing what a little phone call can do for you. especially when it comes from someone who cares about you. sigh. i can now go to bed with peace in my heart.


connie said...

oh honey, Im so sorry you are in a tough spot right now. Hang in there darlin,
I know what you mean.. from the other end. I am missing my kimmie so much, but know she has her own life to live.
I hug you next time I see you :)

Heather said...

I know how you feel, dear. Actually, as I read that I kept thinking, "Gee this sounds familiar."

So, yeah. I understand.


nikki said...

I love you dearest! It will be okay! If you need Anything, let me know! I may also have some music suggestions for your project. Let me know if you'd like any help. :)

Heather said...

Wow, how'd it work out that you were so much older than all your roommates?