How I deal....

I can usually handle a break-up pretty well. usually being the key word.

This time around has been interesting since I saw the other side of breaking-up. I have found myself still going through the same grief cycle and what not.

First thing that's always on my agenda? New shoes. Oh and did these new shoes deliver...please observe:

Hot, no? I am so in love with these gold glitter stilettos. They make me tall, add some pizzaz to any outfit and are just plain AWESOME.

Next thing on my agenda is to immerse myself in crafty projects and hang out with all my friends. Done and done. I finished my sister's wedding gift (a wedding album of everything from their wedding. I am so awesome) and gave it to her this weekend. I hung out with Surfer Boy and other peeps from my ward and basically just had a fun time.

The next thing that usually happens after a break-up is that I begin to miss having a boyfriend but don't necessarily miss the boy I was dating specifically. I am currently in that phase. It is always a hard phase to get out of, but I will persevere. :o) Today I'm doing that by reminding myself of the awesomeness through a few quotes. Enjoy and have a marvelous Martin Luther King Jr. Day (I SO wish I had the day off. :( )

a relief with sadness sandwich

So. I'm currently chowing down on a relief with sadness sandwich. I know, it doesn't sound like the most exciting sandwich in the world, but it is one filled with everything that my mind, heart, and soul need right now.

Last night I broke up with Monkey Man. Sad, I know. But it had to happen. See....things just weren't jiving for me anymore. There's a whole lot of reason to why I broke up with him, but a lot of it is SO personal that I just don't feel comfortable sharing it here. I do know that it was the right thing to do - without a doubt. It was sad to see his face fall when I told him the things I needed to tell him, but he took it graciously and didn't put up a fight. I don't know what I was expecting, maybe more tears? I'm a really hard person to break up with and so I just figured it could quite possibly be like that. Luckily, it wasn't and after I left his house I drove down to see Sister B and her hubby. We talked a bit and finished a puzzle that's been on their table since Thanksgiving. :o)

After I got home I saw this quote twice in two different places within 5 minutes of each other:

While it isn't perfect, I do feel like it describes what I did. The courage that it took to do what I did didn't roar. And here I am tyring again....not in the same way - but I am not going to wallow. I am not going to throw myself a pity party because I KNOW that what I did was right. I KNOW that there are other things out there for me and I KNOW that I'm going to be okay. I just have to keep on trying. And try I will. My dear friend blogged about courage and having to choose between things that are "good" and things that are "best." Not always an easy choice as I have found out. Her words of wisdom rang true to me last night and this I know..... I will try again tomorrow. Until another time my friends, God bless.

Confuzzled

You guys, I am very confuzzled.

This is going to be a post with lots of thoughts that might be incomplete. You might not know the whole story behind all my thoughts. I'm sorry if that's the case, but I feel the need to share with SOMEONE what is going on and I need to get this written out because maybe it will make more sense. Maybe. I make no guarantees. Also, you can feel welcome to post any advice, but don't feel offended if I disregard it entirely. Remember, you might not know the whole story.

Okay, that being said.....

I like Monkey Man. I really do, but I just don't know if I feel anything deeper. I thought I did, I really did. But then....I don't know it's like someone pushed a button and now I'm not really sure I feel that way. Maybe it's because the thrill has worn off a little bit. Maybe it's because I was super duper emotional all last week, plus I had a slew of extra hormones and the stress of a wedding, my teaching job giving me some grief and teaching relief society weighing heavily on my mind.

This past week there have been more times when I have felt impatient and frustrated with Monkey Man then at any other time in our relationship, but the thing is - we haven't been dating for a super long time. 2.5 months. Which compared to my relationship with SwingKid is like a drop in the bucket. Not that I plan on dating someone for a bazillion years before marrying them....but 2.5 months is not a long time. I know that I don't know everything about him and I realized that in the past few days. We treat different situations VERY differently. We have different thought processes on how certain things should work. It's not on anything that is a deal-breaker for me....but how many of those differences can one have before they equal a deal-breaker?

Before you ask, no I haven't talked to Monkey Man about this. For two reasons 1) I'm still not sure what all of my hang-ups are - I just know they are there and that they seem to be really really big. But that just might be my imagination and 2) I'm nervous that it's going to mean breaking up (or something maybe not! but i just don't know) and doing THAT scares me. Monkey Man is the sweetest guy in the whole wide world and I don't want to hurt him. (Plus I've never had to really break up with someone before. I suck at it.) We get along really well...it's just...I'm not sure if he's someone that I want to be with for forever. He's going out of town in two weeks for a weekend and I think that's going to be really good for me. (even though I just was away from him for 9 days for Christmas...it just....was different then. something changed. Seriously, some elf pushed a button.)

I don't even know what I'm asking, or if I'm asking anything. This is one of those battles in love that bugs me. I just don't know what to do, but right now NOTHING feels right. There's a small part of me that wouldn't mind going on dates with other people right now....and I don't know if that's just because I'm confuzzled and I want to run away from the situation - or if it's a sign that it might be time to move one from this phase of my life. The thing is....I know that if I say anything or suggest even the slightest thing is going to completely blindside this poor, sweet boy. sigh. Any wise words my friends? I certainly could use them.

Thursday Things

Hi guys. things are crazy. When are they not crazy right? but really....this time of year is always nuts-o in the office and this year is NO exception. I have just a few thoughts that I want to share with y'all today.

• I went to the temple last night with members of my ward. It was so wonderful to be there with my friends. I love going to the temple and last night was no exception. I had a wonderful expereince and can't wait to repeat it sometime in the near future.

• Tonight Monkey Man is taking me salsa dancing. :o) 

• I'm nervous and I think I know why. See...the last time a significant other took me dancing it was SwingKid and it was @ Blue Tango - a venue we frequented often when we were dating and a place I still frequent. (In fact, I'm ditching Blue Tango tonight for salsa dancing.) And I'm just nervous about dancing with Monkey Man. I'm sure he's a fabulous dancer...but it's still a little nerve wracking. I'm sure it will be fine, but for now I'm nervous.

• I leave for VA in 13 days. I have WAY too much to do between now and then. I have no idea how I'm going to get everything done in the next 13 days. GAH!

• Have I mentioned that work is insane? Yeah. INSANE.

I am pretty sure there are more things that I was going to share with you. Unfortunately, my brain is not working very well these days. I think it has something to do with a) the insanity at work and b) being twitterpated. ;) Hope you all have a great evening. I'm pretty sure I'll be back tomorrow. ;)

"it's busy season!"

that is our  go-to phrase here at work these days. My coworker is super cute when she says it to justify our three-week lead time on our product. The months of November/December are always crazy in the office, but this year it seems to be amplified 100x or so. Life is INSANE around the office.

Anyways. Seeing as how it's been almost a week since I last posted I figured a bullet-point list would be the best way to catch you up on my awesome life. (seriously, life is uber awesome.)

• Monkey Man is the sweetest guy in the whole wide world and I'm the luckiest girl ever. Seriously. I catch myself staring at him all the time and thinking to myself, "how did I get so lucky?" things are good.

• Went to Temple Square on Saturday night w/Monkey Man and another couple to see the lights, go to dinner (Z'Tejas @ Gateway. okay food. not my favorite restaurant) and then party it up at the Clark Planetarium. We took fun pictures on the moon and mars. It was a blast (although VERY cold).

• Had the annual Christmas tour day for my ballet company. that was a day full of driving and stuff. Nothing bad happened and it was a pretty good day overall. 

• Made Aebelskivers last night w/Sister B and her husband and Monkey Man. Also, we watched the First Presidency Christmas Devotional and played games. It was fun times. 

• during the course of this week, Monkey Man and I have something together to do/attend 5/7 days. :o) I'm very excited about this.

• I'm finding it hard to believe that it's been a year. Part of me is shocked it has only been a year. At times it feels longer. 

• I'm addicted to cherry coridal kisses and m&ms. :o) yummy.

• I haven't been very good about going to the gym the past week or so. My trainer is going to kill me.

• I get to party it up with my ballet girls tonight. I'm rather excited to see all my friends. It's been awhile.

• I leave for VA in 16 days. EEK! Christmas is going to be here before I know it. :P

• I need an idea for a mass gift for my RS sisters. Any and all ideas are welcome. a DIY project is not really feasible at this point, but I need to keep cost down as well....so yeah. Please suggest something. ;)

• My office was a brisk 56 degrees Fahrenheit this morning. SO COLD. Stupid next door office that controls the thermostat and doesn't leave it on during the weekends. :P

• The world is very, very small. Roommate R (one of my favorite persons EVER) is friends with someone that Monkey Man knows as well. Insane how small the world is. ESPECIALLY in Utah.

Basically, I'm really  busy with life in general but I'm super happy, twitterpated, and joyful as an elf.  :o) Have a wonderful day!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!

Hello my dears! I hope you are having the most splendid (or spookiest) Halloween ever! Mine has been pretty spectacular so far. This weekend had it's up and it's downs - but unlike Nottingham, the ups have definitely outweighed the downs. I've been trying to figure out how to best tell you all that has gone on...I think we'll do a day-by-day update. okay? okay!!

Friday

Friday was the "down" part of the weekend. I was ornery all day long, I was exhausted and I pretty much felt like crap. I've been fighting cold symptoms all week long and I just felt icky. I picked up a free pizza that I earned from Papa John's and sat on my couch moaning the demise of my BYU Cougars to the TCU frogs. sigh. I went to bed at 9:20 pm and slept for 10.5 hours. BEST THING EVER.

Saturday

I woke up feeling SO refreshed. I ran my 5k and did SO WELL!!!! I don't know my exact time (yet) but I know that it was better than the last time I ran a 5k. I'll be sure to post my time once I get it. ;) After that I came home and did a few pointless things before going on a TRIPLE date that I put together last minute.

See....I had this Groupon for miniature golfing for up to 6 people. (it was only $9!) It expired on 10/30 and so when SwingKid and I were driving home from the race I asked if he and his new girlfriend (who was in his Master's program. She's so nice and I'm happy they are dating) wanted to go. He asked if it would be weird,  I said no. So plans were made. I asked Monkey Man if he was available and he said YES! THEN looking for 2 more people, I thought of Surfer Boy (who has just started dating A* a girl in my ward who is one of my best friends and I just love that these two are dating!) and texted him, and him and A* were definitely in! So, if you were paying attention...I went on a triple date with my former crush and his GF and my ex and his GF. Weird? Not at all. ha ha ha ha. I didn't warn Monkey Man prior to this excursion that my ex was going to be there, but it did come up at one point. He laughed at me and told me that I had a weird relationship with him. I concurred with that statement. However, it was great fun being with two other couples doing something as simple as miniature golfing. After that triple date there was Stake Conference (which I will probably talk about more tomorrow) and then after THAT I went over to Monkey Man's place and we watched Captain America. :o) SO MUCH FUN! It was a great Saturday. :D

Sunday

I got to sleep in a little bit (no extra meetings!) and then went to Stake Conference. Monkey Man sat by me and at one point during church I looked over and thought, "oh my gosh. I have a boyfriend." It continues to amaze/shock me that I'm dating someone. It just sort of happened. And while I am not complaining, I am constantly finding myself in awe of the fact that I am dating someone. Has this ever happened to anyone else? I mean, really?! How does one just POOF find themselves in a relationship? Anyways, it feels nice to be with him and yet I don't feel this overwhelming dread when I don't see him. I am still me, still doing my own thing but with someone that I can share things with and I think that is the best possible thing EVER.

After church my roommate and I worked on her Halloween costume. I sewed a detachable wedding dress train to a shirt and then we went outside and trashed said wedding dress. It was AWESOME. I even drove around the block with the dress hanging out of my car. BEST THING EVER. She's one awesome zombie bride today! I finished off my evening with Ward Prayer and The Little Mermaid. :o) LOVE that movie so much.

So there you go. A not so little nutshell of a weekend...but fun none-the-less. Tonight Monkey Man is having a Halloween Party that I'm going to and all-in-all it should be a pretty good day. :o) Have a spooky kind of day!

Dating Battle Stories - introducing.............

Well, it has been awhile now hasn't it? But the time has come for an introduction of a new player in the Dating Battle Stories of my life....

so without further ado let me introduce:

Monkey Man. (ps thanks to beckybob for the 'nym!)

Monkey Man is in my ward (yes that does bring the current number of NAMED crushes on this blog from my ward to three. I'm a player, it's okay.). He helps organize/attends game nights that are sometimes held after ward prayer. He's a complete sweetheart and very genuine.

There's a little background - but now for the fun part. the STORY!

I was sitting at home Saturday night, not doing much of anything, when Monkey Man called me. I figured he was calling to see if we were going to do a game night the next night, but I was wrong! Instead, he asked me if I was available on Wednesday night. Fortunately, my plans were changed and I was in fact available! He asked if I'd like to go on a group date w/him to carve pumpkins and play Xbox Kinnect. I said yes, and so now he's picking me up at 7pm tonight.

BUT WAIT! That's not all folks!

Last night for FHE the plan was to meet at the church and then go from there to a corn maze at Thanksgiving Point. We're standing around outside and Monkey Man and I are standing by each other just chit-chatting and the opening prayer is said and THEN it's time to carpool up...so I say "I have room for 4 in my car!" and Monkey Man turns to me and says so fast "I'm coming with you!" and i was all "sweet!" and then my car filled up with three other girls from the ward and off we went!

So we get to the corn maze and Monkey Man and I are waiting for the rest of the ward to show up and it was MUCH colder than I had anticipated (i.e. i didn't bring gloves or hat and all i had was two lightweight sweatshirts to keep me warm). So I lean into into Monkey Man and tell him he's going to have to keep me warm and he says, "only if you keep me warm too!" so then we get our wristbands, I chit-chat with the bishop for a moment about some concerns (YAY for being the RSP ha ha ha) and then I skip over to Monkey Man and we start walking towards where the corn maze is at. Here's the thing about the Thanksgiving Point corn maze - there are a TON of fall activities to do besides the corn maze. lots of fun things. So we're walking across the field and Monkey Man leans in and says "I'm going to hold your hand to keep mine warm okay?" with a cheesy grin on his face. ha ha ha. I say okay and off we went! we held hands the entire night. There were times where we'd let go of hands to do something, come back to standing by each other and HE would grab my hand again. it was adorable. So....I like him - which is funny because the like/crush sort of came out of NOWHERE. but last night...it was so fun. :o)

My other favorite thing is that he made it clear last night that he is going to come and pick me up - he's not having me just meet him at his place. This is a BIG deal to me and has been a sore spot in past relationships that I have been in.

So. There you go. The newest player in this game/war of love that I'm very involved in right now. ;) I promise to give as many details as I feel like after the date tonight. he he he he

Tender Mercy Tuesday - 19th Edition

Life is great my friends. SO great. I was talking with a friend that I hadn't seen in a while and they asked how I was doing and I couldn't contain my joy for life. It's been the best feeling ever. Life is just so splendid. I'm not sure what I've done to deserve this and sure, sometimes I get down on myself but I think the fact that I am learning and growing to be closer to my Heavenly Father has helped immensely.

Anyways, I have some great tender mercies for you today!

• I have been very blessed to be able to be friends with ex-boyfriends. There are rare times that I haven't been able to stay friends with ex-boyfriends, but really, in the long run I've totally stayed friends with ex-boyfriends.

• I have been a dating machine as of late (a Dating Battle Stories post coming tomorrow!) and this has been SO FUN!

• I have been BRAVE. (more details on that later)

• I have the best roommate who helps me be brave.

• I have a roof over my head far away from any possible flooding.

• I have a strong testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and it was strengthened this week at my normal meetings.

• Technology is amazing.

• I have a great job - one where I celebrated being at for two years now this past weekend. :o)

• It's been rainy and I love the rain. It's so moody.

Anyways...I am very blessed and life is good. What is making you grateful today friends?

p.s. I find it hilarious that it is the 19th edition of Tender Mercy Tuesday on the 19th of April.

p.p.s. It's my grandpa's 90th birthday today! rock on!