You guys, I am very confuzzled.
This is going to be a post with lots of thoughts that might be incomplete. You might not know the whole story behind all my thoughts. I'm sorry if that's the case, but I feel the need to share with SOMEONE what is going on and I need to get this written out because maybe it will make more sense. Maybe. I make no guarantees. Also, you can feel welcome to post any advice, but don't feel offended if I disregard it entirely. Remember, you might not know the whole story.
Okay, that being said.....
I like Monkey Man. I really do, but I just don't know if I feel anything deeper. I thought I did, I really did. But then....I don't know it's like someone pushed a button and now I'm not really sure I feel that way. Maybe it's because the thrill has worn off a little bit. Maybe it's because I was super duper emotional all last week, plus I had a slew of extra hormones and the stress of a wedding, my teaching job giving me some grief and teaching relief society weighing heavily on my mind.
This past week there have been more times when I have felt impatient and frustrated with Monkey Man then at any other time in our relationship, but the thing is - we haven't been dating for a super long time. 2.5 months. Which compared to my relationship with SwingKid is like a drop in the bucket. Not that I plan on dating someone for a bazillion years before marrying them....but 2.5 months is not a long time. I know that I don't know everything about him and I realized that in the past few days. We treat different situations VERY differently. We have different thought processes on how certain things should work. It's not on anything that is a deal-breaker for me....but how many of those differences can one have before they equal a deal-breaker?
Before you ask, no I haven't talked to Monkey Man about this. For two reasons 1) I'm still not sure what all of my hang-ups are - I just know they are there and that they seem to be really really big. But that just might be my imagination and 2) I'm nervous that it's going to mean breaking up (or something maybe not! but i just don't know) and doing THAT scares me. Monkey Man is the sweetest guy in the whole wide world and I don't want to hurt him. (Plus I've never had to really break up with someone before. I suck at it.) We get along really well...it's just...I'm not sure if he's someone that I want to be with for forever. He's going out of town in two weeks for a weekend and I think that's going to be really good for me. (even though I just was away from him for 9 days for Christmas...it just....was different then. something changed. Seriously, some elf pushed a button.)
I don't even know what I'm asking, or if I'm asking anything. This is one of those battles in love that bugs me. I just don't know what to do, but right now NOTHING feels right. There's a small part of me that wouldn't mind going on dates with other people right now....and I don't know if that's just because I'm confuzzled and I want to run away from the situation - or if it's a sign that it might be time to move one from this phase of my life. The thing is....I know that if I say anything or suggest even the slightest thing is going to completely blindside this poor, sweet boy. sigh. Any wise words my friends? I certainly could use them.