Monday, January 09, 2012

Confuzzled

You guys, I am very confuzzled.

This is going to be a post with lots of thoughts that might be incomplete. You might not know the whole story behind all my thoughts. I'm sorry if that's the case, but I feel the need to share with SOMEONE what is going on and I need to get this written out because maybe it will make more sense. Maybe. I make no guarantees. Also, you can feel welcome to post any advice, but don't feel offended if I disregard it entirely. Remember, you might not know the whole story.

Okay, that being said.....

I like Monkey Man. I really do, but I just don't know if I feel anything deeper. I thought I did, I really did. But then....I don't know it's like someone pushed a button and now I'm not really sure I feel that way. Maybe it's because the thrill has worn off a little bit. Maybe it's because I was super duper emotional all last week, plus I had a slew of extra hormones and the stress of a wedding, my teaching job giving me some grief and teaching relief society weighing heavily on my mind.

This past week there have been more times when I have felt impatient and frustrated with Monkey Man then at any other time in our relationship, but the thing is - we haven't been dating for a super long time. 2.5 months. Which compared to my relationship with SwingKid is like a drop in the bucket. Not that I plan on dating someone for a bazillion years before marrying them....but 2.5 months is not a long time. I know that I don't know everything about him and I realized that in the past few days. We treat different situations VERY differently. We have different thought processes on how certain things should work. It's not on anything that is a deal-breaker for me....but how many of those differences can one have before they equal a deal-breaker?

Before you ask, no I haven't talked to Monkey Man about this. For two reasons 1) I'm still not sure what all of my hang-ups are - I just know they are there and that they seem to be really really big. But that just might be my imagination and 2) I'm nervous that it's going to mean breaking up (or something maybe not! but i just don't know) and doing THAT scares me. Monkey Man is the sweetest guy in the whole wide world and I don't want to hurt him. (Plus I've never had to really break up with someone before. I suck at it.) We get along really well...it's just...I'm not sure if he's someone that I want to be with for forever. He's going out of town in two weeks for a weekend and I think that's going to be really good for me. (even though I just was away from him for 9 days for Christmas...it just....was different then. something changed. Seriously, some elf pushed a button.)

I don't even know what I'm asking, or if I'm asking anything. This is one of those battles in love that bugs me. I just don't know what to do, but right now NOTHING feels right. There's a small part of me that wouldn't mind going on dates with other people right now....and I don't know if that's just because I'm confuzzled and I want to run away from the situation - or if it's a sign that it might be time to move one from this phase of my life. The thing is....I know that if I say anything or suggest even the slightest thing is going to completely blindside this poor, sweet boy. sigh. Any wise words my friends? I certainly could use them.

6 comments:

Stacylyn said...

My only advice is give it time. I was madly in love with Zach when we first started dating, and then I had this weird week when I was UBER annoyed with EVERYTHING. I thought it might be over. I went camping with Tyne to get away, and when I got back everything was back to normal. Obviously the stresses of life can affect a lot. Give it time. See how you feel when he gets back.

Emily said...

I think you're on the right track. Give it some time, and figure out what's going on in your head. But, don't beat yourself up over it, whatever you decide.

robinawallace said...

My piece of advice is something that my dad told me.

I was really mad at Jared one day. He had never made me cry that much. I was even to the point that I was going to break things off.

Jared and I had planned that we were going to have a big talk and that day I went to the temple to think for a while. (this is why Oquirrh Mountain Temple is so special to me.) I knew when leaving that day that I was going to make it through this trial in our relationship.

I talked to my dad about everything and he told me that no matter what relationship I was in, we would always see things differently. That is one reason why communication is so important.

This piece of advice has helped many times in the entire time that we have been together. No one knows how many times I felt like if we broke up our engagement I wouldn't feel anything and would just move on with one of the million boys in Provo. However, Jared and I may think differently and we have different love languages, he is sweet and is going to take care of me for eternity.

I'm not saying this will solve your situation. But it is something to think about.

Oh, before I leave you alone. I have a better piece of advice. Jared's aunt told me to take every piece of advice with a grain of salt. The important thing is to listen to the spirit because Heavenly Father knows us better than we know ourselves.

Melinda said...

The only advice I can give you is to pray about it. When my husband and I were dating, it was pretty fast and pretty easy. We didn't fight, I didn't have any weird hang ups about him (I was very young though), but he told me something about his past that made things very hard for me. The only thing I could do was pray. And not pray for a YES should I marry this guy, or a NO I should not. I just prayed that if it was wrong I would feel uneasy, and if it was right, I would feel fine. I felt fine, so we got married. :) 4 kids and 10 years later... we're still doing fine. Pray, you don't have to question the advice you get from prayer. :)

Maggie B. said...

I'm going to say what everyone else has said - just give it some time. It's ok to feel like this. It won't always be wonderful, that's normal. And maybe you could have a talk with him... but that might be awkward.

Anonymous said...

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